The Road Less Traveled:
Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Contribution By Tongue Thai's

Dictionary definition (loosely): Figure of speech with words contradicting each other to form a phrase e.g. Plastic glasses, Cruel kindness, Women's Logic (Ooops, sorry ladies, that one just slipped in by mistake!)

Taking a break from the computer at my local internet shop, and enjoying a smoke outside, I was joined by a very attractive lady with the same idea i.e. having a smoke, and we started chatting. The normal run of the mill conversation..'What your name..Where you from.. etc etc' and then naturally the question 'Where do you work?'

"I work bar', she replied nonchalantly, blowing out a cloud of smoke through her nose that would have done a dragon proud.

"Really?" I answered, feigning surprise and ignorance. I would never have guessed judging from the piercings in her nose and lip, almost blonde hair and large tattoo with the name 'Steve' emblazoned on her arm. The dead giveaway though was the fact that I had had a beer in her bar a few days before, but she would not remember me as I was outclassed by an Alpha-Male Silverback with a larger Bulge (wallet) in his pants who had her undivided attention. Now please, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against bar girls, on the contrary, I think they are wonderful creatures. So alike in many ways and yet so different in others. However our little Tete-a-Tete set me thinking and the more I thought about it the more I queried the statement 'Work Bar'.

Surely this a contradiction in terms? An oxymoron that ranks as highly as 'Military Intelligence', 'Bush Humour' and my current favourite 'Free and fair elections'. Bar staff aside who genuinely 'work bar', what is the main purpose of visiting a pub? For me it is enjoyment, plain and simple. You can say things like company, refreshment, entertainment etc, but if it wasn't enjoyable you would not go there. Imagine calling a pal...' Hi phil, fancy planting some rice with me today? Found a lovely little paddy field not far from here'. You wouldn't have too many friends take you up on the offer would you? In fact I doubt if you would even have friends! But I digress, back to 'Work Bar'. What work is involved in applying some make-up, dressing up (or down in some cases), chatting with your friends and calling out 'Hello Hansum Man!' occasionally? Hell, you can do this at the beach, but then it's called Sanuk or fun. Same situation, different setting.

A group of us got together the other night for a meal and a friend brought along a lady who he had met 'On the bus'. (You know the story… she is a cashier or ..she works in a supermarket etc) This lady's honesty however was so refreshing it was mind blowing. When the obvious work question came up, she answered with a deadpan face 'I go to disco and look for man who will give me money!' You cannot be more straightforward than that! There was a stunned silence for a moment and then all the guys started clapping and cheering simultaneously, apart from friend who had a sheepish grin on his face (and now that we had heard the story from the horses mouth, an obviously lighter wallet!). Now that is work. She had a business plan and an agenda and expended energy in achieving her goals, unlike the majority who vegetate on their barstools hoping for Richie Rich to walk in. Sure, they do sometimes 'Work' (connect 4, play pool, order a drink etc), but then so does a seal who 'Works Aquarium'. Make some funny noises, flap your flippers and push a ball around and you're assured of a nice tasty fish or two at the end of the show.

To me, a better job description would be..'I am a magnet'..or..'I am a lure', I attract people into the bar and I have them stuck and hooked try to keep them there as long as possible. My income consists of performance bonuses! Or how about..'I am window dressing, if you like what you see you will come in to make further enquiries'. To be fair though, not all bars and not all bar girls fit the above description. There are establishments where the ladies do really work hard, doubling up as hostesses, waitresses and cleaners, and surprise..surprise..these are normally the better more successful places. One pub in Phuket in particular never ceased to amaze me. It was run like an oiled machine, everyone knew their tasks and the punters were never in any doubt about check-bins, prices and who was off limits and who was not. Shifts changed over so smoothly that one was not even aware of it till somebody new came to replenish your drink. These girls, and many others, really earned their Kudos and can be proud to say, "I Work Bar!"

As for me, I am getting ready to go 'Work Beer!'

The Road Less Traveled:Things That Make You Go Hmmm

The Road Less Traveled:
Things That Make You Go Hmmm